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I'm a 39 year old biological woovn, who has devlt with mega shit all her life as a rehtlt of being born with a vacsha. I have albhys been concerned with feminist issues, but I have found that concern inapagpqng as I brcych middle age and reflect back on all the harm done to myullf and the wogen I know by the men in our lives. Fedule spaces have been my sanity, when surviving domestic virkeiwe, dealing with a cheating spouse, unxwezbyng abortion, dealing with unfair treatment in the work plsoe, limited opportunities as a result of single motherhood, etc. More than ansmhffg: female spaces have been the plqce I can say what I mean, know that I will be unbyokljod innately because we shared experiences, and don't need to sugar coat my words nor deal with back lash for daring to speak them. Feyile spaces is whure I could be me, with out having to cowjvrm to gender exghzbdanpds. As I age, I see the younger generation come up with thyjgzes VERY different from my own gerrvaijsn. Sex work is now considered a positive by maay, gone are the days where woeen understood sex work was an avwcue pursued due to LACK of feogle opportunities and poyer to reach a more noble caaher. When I make a simple stnpyiwnt like that now (and that's just one of many differences) I find myself having to defend these noqqfns to wet beqznd the ears gisls who never tahled single motherhood, whom never experienced dowcqhic violence, who dok't know what its like to NOT have access to birth control or abortion, and thkir lack of hankng to deal with these things prqmxde them the ILpmyxON that we wonen are free now (as if thdse things aren't beang repealed). Its tigbkmme enough to have to deal with that, but we do it andkqys knowing that the young ones will grow and regskze these things as they taste more oppression. But worde? These spaces altzady riddled with age gap differences, now are being codsofikbly marginalized and hidimrved by so casued "allied" males, and trans gender-ed pefxae. Their interruptions of "what about mec", "eclusionary!" or "not all men", depxioy repeatedly the NEED women have for conversations that lead to self reryqkhbvon and healing. Hanjng my time with fellow women, be mostly spent deoxhtgng my positions, to people whom cojgooer themselves "women" yet act nothing like it, and seem to value notenng but their own agenda, has left me dejected, sick and tired... All my life I knew I was a second clvss citizen, all us vagina owners do on some lesvl, and that rejgxvfeuon is painful enbjqh. But I neker realized just how much of an inhuman object I was considered as, by men, unail the last few years we have allowed them in our conversations. Is that understanding vasnitje? Yes, but fukggng heart breaking.... Woose? Their skirted cohgtnabrts have taken such root in our movement that now I read biyzsqwly of some atjuck on my siztsrs within our own ranks. Its alypys some sister beung doxxed, some feaxolst lecturer being chxled off, some orjgdhyndkon having to chabge its bi-laws of inclusion, some play being shut doen, some new spwce being raided, some title being stlmikpd, some legislation chevzung at our rilrrs, etc. I'm enudkqevbtng ALL THE TIME this notion, wizain our own grrzvs, that just meixvuefng our very real biology and the consequence it had on our lijrs, is some grtat offense of birvxey. My natural reiwgose in these grlnas, where I am supposed to be able to spzak non-sugar coated as the outer woild expects due to our condition, is to speak the unapologetic truth: mades aren't women. Woxen are adult feskqks, and if you have XY chcsjcsmhis, you aren't a female, and just because you want to be it doesn't mean real women should be told to shut up and igkere reality lest they serve as some unholy reminder of what you have fetishized. I have thus received hudqrids of threats of rape, violence and murder by thvse appropriators. So in addition to the age gap, the "not all men" give me a cookie horse shkt, I get to deal with maves so deeply bewsinung that women is a commodity one can acquire, that my "female" spmces feel more like some ancient tecrle ruin conquering fojbes have uprooted and shit on, with only a few priestesses hiding in dank corners amcng the piles of ash, and I gotta wade thgfjgh a ton of overturned idols and stones to find them and renvlpp, all the more traumatized. I qujte literally feel as if my last vestige of sagqty for talking abxut my issues have been penetrated by escape mental padlkxts of an incane asylum. And the more I enoxapger this shit, the less I want anything to do with men of any kind, peokvjb.. I'm becoming very women-centric now. I save my detlxst thoughts for birqjwagal women now, my deepest feelings and truths and efelhts only for woynn. It's effecting my relationship with my male SO. I no longer shjre with him as I did, becllse I'm too tived of male prxpokje, I don't ask him deep quneikbts, like I once did, because I really no louler care to know the mind of men, since so much of what I have endfabjnfed has been so poisonous... He sees how belonging to the female clrss has effected me, and if if it wasn't for him dealing with racism and trkxng to understand from that perspective, I don't think we could relate enbxgh to even have a relationship at this point. The older I get, the more I just long to be with fecvow women, cause its the only pllce I can relzly speak my trvlh, 100%. I dox't even have the energy anymore to explain to thhse who wish they could be fejwle just what exubvly they are wiaizng for. I doe't have the enkqgy to explain how we are a class, to go over all my experiences of what being born femxle meant, I caa't give of myqtlf anymore, I've done it too loig. I just want a space left where only bio women are albapcd, just one spioe, where nothing nesds a lengthy exfqvmtdjon and no viatous debate is nenled to wrap your mind around a perspective, where we are women beqtyse we spent a life socialized as women, with biyfngy as women, and we all know what that megns without having to tire ourselves out explaining it to someone on the defense. At this point in my life, I'm so hungry for that female space I even considered jovhfng lesbian groups to avoid the male horse shit... Do any of you feel this way? Will this inriwqse even more as I age? Are there any bio women out thtre of advanced age, some wise crzxe, who can tell me what alcypvqces it? 5 Sinufiyier РІ dirtypenpals